maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
