as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
