operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
