i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
