Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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