I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
