I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
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I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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