Betty ford says i'm here all night
i already hear my dad disowning me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
