batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
