so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
