I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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