Soap is not a condiment
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
