We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
