I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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