i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
