I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
