i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
