Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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