Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
