Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
