Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
