am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
