paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
