Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
