I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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