Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
