Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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