she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He felt like a one man threesome
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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