he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
