do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
