apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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