I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
