where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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