I wish I could punch you in the face.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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