What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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