i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it's like iHOP with fire
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
