I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
