It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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