Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
