at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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