strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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