I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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