How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
