last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
