I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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