i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
