grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
