He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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