what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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