Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
