No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
