well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We are two peas in an std pod
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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