Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
