I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
