This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
