Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
