Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
