I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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