I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
