Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
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Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have post one night stand depression
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