We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
