My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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