I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
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I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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