Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
