How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
