thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
