YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
