I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
