youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
