I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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