I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
