I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
