let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
